Wednesday, June 10, 2015

Yup, you heard it right ! I don't wish to be a mom........

I am an absolute hit with kids. Right from amusing them with my rendition of "Lungi dance" to disciplining them to get their cursive handwriting perfect, I love it all. I have been almost half mother to my brother who is 9 years younger to me and almost mother to all the men who I have loved in my life. Even with such credentials, I have to say that I don't wish to be a mom. This is not a "I am a rebel" statement from my repertoire but something that I strongly feel knowing very well that my biological clock is ticking away and that such an irreversible stance is inviting not-so-friendly judgments for a lifetime.

A lot of people think that those who haven't had a great childhood are the most probable ones to think on these lines. I beg to differ on such an assumption. I have had a fairy-tale childhood with the most progressive parents anyone could wish for. To such level is my respect and admiration for them that I can't think of making them my role models lest I end up being a total disaster. And specifically about mothers, for umpteen reasons, I don't see myself being able to emulate an inch of what my mother does. I am far from being selfless like her to throw the best birthday party at the time of recovering from a surgery or stay away from my husband for lending stability to my children's education. Taking a life risking boat journey with my partner from Tierra Del Feugo to Antarctica is just one among the crazy travel plans I have. Though being with family is one of the experiences I cherish, I can't find myself planning all my holidays around them as my mom does. All mothers had dreams of their own which they either gave up or went slow on so that their children chased dreams of their own. But as much as I know myself, while I will be thrilled if someone close to me succeeds, it can never take away the angst for not being able to do things on my bucket list.

Picture this. I consider life to be a book that each one exclusively authors. There are editions that mark your maturity in perspective through life, sections that are based on experiences of reading, writing, traveling, learning a language/a musical instrument, teaching, laughing and crying at the same time, saving a life, emerging victorious through grueling pain, being loved by a lot and being hated by even many more. The important people in your life are the ones with whom you exchange manuscripts before all your books hit the market rack. No ones story revolves around the other and yet you share life with them effortlessly. I am lucky that the people I didn't choose- my parents and those I chose- my friends and partner- love me for being honest to this design. Motherhood is an irreplaceable experience and life is incomplete without it. But we are all are going to miss out something in life, aren't we? And that's why we have people and stories . While I learn how mothers changed destinies of their creations, I will reveal to them the joy of creating mine.


  1. "I consider life to be a book that each one exclusively authors." This line sums up the entire article for me.

    I have always argued with myself on this particular thought. After a particular point in my life I either have to give up or slow down my aspirations for someone to be born. Am I ready yet or will I ever be ready? , is something I am still struggling to find an answer to. Good to know that you have found your answer.

  2. Anonymous3:30 AM

    Any decision is a decision but almost all decisions are rooted in ones past. This one the ones in which one decides to marry....God bless...enjoy all relations...except that of being a mother...:)

    1. Though past plays an important role in contributing to one's experiences, I give equal importance to how I want to shape my future. This article is all about the clarity I have in terms of what I want from life and how being a mother doesn't fit into that scheme of things.

  3. Now this sounds,,what I call Simplified ... Nicely articulated ...

  4. A thought which has been seething silently among many from this generation, you've put it brilliantly!

  5. nice one... reflects my thoughts

  6. Kudos!! This gives voice to many internal turmoils and answers to the array of questions that we all have to endure. Thank you for this piece.


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